The Journal Entries

Erwer, Sulim 23, 00119


The music was too damned LOUD, but that's all right, that's the way I like it, especially on such a great occasion. Dick looked like he was enjoying the hell out of himself; I never knew he could play guitar like that. The dance floor was a sheer riot of colors and fur patterns and there was absolutely no way to make sense out of the whole mess. I've always loved Dead Rabbit parties. They're a signal, a joyous attempt to express how important children are.

And this one was very special. Not because I was related to the participants, or that they were household members, but because of the technological breakthrough Lorraine's pregnancy signified. She and Christine had made something of a noise back in '19, when they'd announced that they were in love. Nowadays that's no big deal, a hundred years later, but then, Wow, was there a row. A LOT of people walked around re-examining themselves. Amazing how learning a friend is gay makes the wheels in your head turn.

Me? I thought about it while I drank my Amaretto milkshake, enjoying the sensation of alcohol winding it's way around my cerebral cortex. The music was pounding, and the alcohol soothing, and the air was cool. I look up at the shadowsquare overhead, providing us with the darkness of night. I'd been horribly carnalized by my own culture (20'th century American) but along the way I'd conquered my fears and I'd tried it. It's a variation I can wholeheartedly indulge in, but, admittedly, it's more of an intellectual pursuit. I can watch a cute girl go by, of almost any species, and feel attracted, but with men, I stop and consider whether I lust for them or not. Very few men have ever simply aroused my lust.

Ember passed by, pinching me as she went by. I realized that the party atmosphere had sort of subdued within me, and I'd become more introspective. Something was bugging me, but I couldn't place it.

"Palsa?" I asked the cute young Tindal standing next to the speaker. "Where's Kathy?"

Her head swiveled to look at me. She focused then, and I realized that she was toasted drunk, but she managed to say "I t'augh I saw her leave down a tube."

"Thanks." I headed towards a tube myself, avoiding the writhing bodies of Humans, Felinzi, Uncia, Tindals, not mention a few others. Once down on the first floor (the 'Castle' as it's called, is a floating cube. The roof is a laid garden, and floors are numbered from the top.) I said "Dave, have you seen Kathy?"

"If you're referring to Kitty, she's in your room. She hasn't said a word to me since she entered, though, so I have no idea why she's there."

"Thanks." Having an AI monitoring your home might make you think of Big Brother and 1984, but we've never had any trouble. Mainly because I trust Dave, he's been a friend for a long time. Well, maybe another version of him. In 106, the old Dave Majors was down for about an hour, and in that hour...

Never mind. It's an old, sad story, and if I think about it, I'll get maudlin and sad again and I'll want to stop writing. Better to progress to the third floor where my apartment was and see what was going on in my room.

The door opened as smoothly as it had the day it was installed, and I looked in. The lights were out, but the balcony door was open. I glanced around, looking at the Kaluta painting on the far wall, the Marcus and Mapplethorpe photo pair of Carroll and Donna in the kitchen where they'd always been. Kitty was outside, leaning against the railing and looking out through the break in the crater wall, towards the ocean. I walked out with her. She was just staring. Music floated down from above, now a little slower, appropriate. Light from sectors in daylight further up the ring flashed off the glistening waves. The scent was pure heaven, all salt and light. So far, Kitty hadn't said a word.

"You couldn't kill yourself jumping from here. Dave would catch you in a T-field, and drop you in P'nyssa's office." I said. I meant it as a joke.

"I wasn't planning on jumping." Matter of fact.

"Kitty, what's bothering you?"

She sighed, said nothing. Then, "Do you ever plan on having kids, Ken?"

"I've got a couple hundred."

"That's not what I mean."

"Ah, well... as for that... hmm. Maybe. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday, sure."

There was silence for a while, and then I said "Kitty, what's bothering you?"

She turned to me, and there were tears in her eyes. "I... I got mail today from my parents."


"They told me that I was to never write them again. They never want to hear from me, I'm not their daughter. As if I ever was! It's not fair! Damnit, I never fit there, you know that! But I'm also one of the few people to come through the Great Hall looking the same as I went in. Terra treats me like a traitor, and Pendorians treat me like a Terran! Goddamnit, I never asked for this!"

I stood there, absorbing her hatred. For me? No, I think not. "Kitty, why did you wait until now? Why didn't you tell me this morning?"

"I... I thought I could keep it in. You know. But everybody's having so much fun. And... and Kurt is up there, having so much fun, and I can't... I can't join in like that. And, and, Chris and Raine, y'know, they're going to have a baby soon, and I... I've never had anyone love me like that."

Did she just tell me she's a virgin? I think so.



"Did you know that I was raped when I was fifteen?"

What do you say to a line like that? I waited. "It was... I was with my dad on a trip to Boston, and I was out malling around, and... it just happened. It was so fast. I remember it so clear, too. He was just this guy. They never caught him. And my dad, he kept telling me it'd never have happened if I'd gone back to the hotel early." She smiled wanly. "I think the police interrupted his meeting."

There was a long, quiet pause, while I waited. "I've never been with a guy since. I thought for a long time I was gay, but I couldn't do that, either. At least, not on Earth, I didn't know how to find out. I asked Ember what I should do, and she said talk to you."

I smiled. My little granddaughter has a conniving mind. "Kitty, what are you trying to tell me?"

"Ken, Ember told me that when she was fifteen, you and she...well," and her hands made awkward, suggestive gestures. I smiled. "We made love, Kitty, for the first time, for her. Kitty, is that what you want from me?"

She looked up at me. There was a pause, the light of the night and the sound of the band very much in the background. Her lips moved, but no sounds came out, but then, "Yes. Yes I do. Ember told me you were very gentle, and... I need that. I need you to be gentle with me."

"Here?" I asked her quietly.

She thought, a smile on her lips. "No. There," she said, pointing to the beach by the Vinyare ocean.

"'Sup to you," I said. She nodded, and then, with a "See ya!" she vaulted over the railing and dropped the fifty feet or so to the sand down below. Damned Telekinets, I swore. And she's a show-off. Probably just enjoying it.

But I've got technology on my side. Mentally I searched for the switch in my head... Dave, I need the following... and rolled out a string of requests for him. He responded, and within a minute there was...

Dave has an insidious sense of humor, I will admit. He'd given me what I'd asked for, but inside a basket that looked straight out of Red Riding Hood. "I'm hardly going to grandmother's house."

"Well," he responded through the speaker, "you do need something to carry it in."

"Okay, okay. Dave, I'll be out on the beach." I followed my earlier suggestion and simply leapt over the railing of the porch. Dave did indeed catch me in a T-field and lowered me very easily to the beach of the lagoon. From there it was a short walk between the crag in the rocks to the actual beach. The sand was warm beneath my toes from the day's heat. The surf was loud, and the natural beauty of Pendor arrayed itself for me as I looked up along the ring.


I turned around. She was sitting just to the right of me. "Hi."

"Hi." she repeated. I sat down. "What's that?" she asked, looking at the basket.

"A blanket. I hate the way sand gets into everything. Some wine, two glasses, some cheese and a knife, a candle. Oh, and the napkin. That was Dave's idea." I spread out the blanket and sat down. I uncorked the wine, and drew forth the knife. I cut the roundel into small slices, and handed one to her. She took it, looked at it, then tasted it, first a small nibble, then a bite. I smiled, and poured the wine into the glasses settled into the soft warm sand. She accepted the glass, drinking a little. With a pretentious wave of my hand, I lit the candle.

"What's that for?"

"Hmm? Oh, I dunno, a candle seemed... appropriate."

She nodded. The only sound was the pounding surf. She stared out into the waves again, the silence between us heavy. Kitty picked up my glass of wine, and took a drink. "Hey!"


"That was my glass."

"Oh, well, in that case, I'd better give you mine," she said, smiling. She picked up her glass and slowly brought it to my lips. She lifted it and I drank, and then I put my hands around hers. I held the glass there, in front of my face, and, slowly, with one hand I took the glass out hers, and laid it on the sand. I looked at her eyes, and as I watched, I kissed her hands. First once, then again, my lips pressed against her fingers. With both hands I divided hers apart, my eyes still looking directly at her. She was watching me with a look that was both wondrous and incredulous, and I felt that familiar, mad sensation of Eros, and I leaned forward into her and my lips met hers.

Her lips responded to mine, closed at first, but then she opened her mouth and we kissed deeply, enjoying the heat of one tongue on another. She wrapped her arms around me, as if she would never let me go, and her kisses seemed to go on for ever. Cautiously, worried that I might frighten her, my hands found their way under her bulky sweater. I touched her skin, soft against her belly, and my hands lingered up towards her breasts.

She stopped kissing me, pulling back, and her eyes searched my face, both in seeming fear and desire. I continued. My fingers touched the soft undersides of her breasts, and over them, caressing her nipples with the rough skin of my hands. Her eyes closed, and a small tremor went through her body. My fingers closed gently on her nipples, pinching them tenderly between to fingers. My fingertips caressed the soft skin surrounding them, eliciting tiny silent tremors from her. I opened my hands, and held her breasts full in my hands.


Her eyes opened quickly, and she looked at me, her breath coming in short, concentrated gasps, and then she said, "K... Ken... I... I don't know... Nobody's ever touched me... like this." Her hands came free from my waist, and she reached under her sweater and put her hands on mine. "Don't stop. It... it feels good... Ken."

Deliberately slow, I leaned toward her and kissed her. With both our hands in the way, we couldn't press ourselves together, and this time our kiss was gentle, a feather's touch of her lips on mine, our tongues exploring peacefully. My hands, with her hands still touching, continued their slow caresses of her body, moving beyond her breasts and caressing her belly, her back. "Let me take off your sweater." She nodded, and in one quick motion it was free, and when I dropped it the wind carried it a few feet further down the beach. Her hands began working at the simple clasps on my shirt, and in a twinkling she had mine off as well. I reached forward and hugged her to me, feeling her skin now free and warm against mine and the cool salt air. We parted, and then I reached up to stroke her hair. She looked at me, a smile playing on her lips. I reached down toward her waist, and began to undo the tied sash on her jeans. The feelings I felt from her went in a blink from joy to fear, but she let me continue, and I pulled it loose, and undid the clasp underneath. Her breeks were open, and, then, she took her hands down and began to climb out of them. She threw them down onto the sand with the rest of our clothes, and looked at me, almost defiant. I responded by taking off the rest of my clothes.

Her hands reached out to me, and she began to stroke my skin, along my chest and belly, and she pinched my nipples in return. I groaned aloud, her fingers finding my hot and ticklish spots. She giggled, her fingers growing bolder as they ran along my sides until she had me squirming on the blanket. "Stop it... stop it!" I gasped. Instead, she dug in further, knocking me over and getting on top of me, her fingers mercilessly scratching at my belly, driving me mad with frustration at being tickled. "Stop!" I grappled for her hands and grabbed them. She looked down at me, her eyes gleaming wildly in the pale ringlight. Only then did I notice, at the same time she did, that my erection was poking against her bottom, and we stared at each other. Again, it was a sort of "I-dare-you" look, and she took the dare. She arose on her legs, and shuffled back until she was right above my cock. I let her hands loose, and she grabbed my cock and held it upright, and then slowly she settled down onto it, her lips parting wetly to accommodate it.

It wouldn't go very far on the first stroke, but she determinedly rose and slowly dropped herself onto my sex again, penetrating herself deeper with my cock this time, and then again. She made no sound, and it was hard to tell which was louder then, my heart or the surf. The band was still playing over in the castle, and I could hear it from here, very far away. I felt her cunt surrounding my cock, tight like a comfortable vise. I could feel the cool air when she rose up, almost until the tip fell out, and then down. I looked up at her, and her eyes were closed as if she was lost in the friction. The sweet savor of her moisture joined with the scent of clean, living sea, and her motion was music, my mind a fury of lust. I wanted to ravish her, but I was determined to be gentle, and to let her take this where she wanted to go. Her hands came down, and she bent over to place them on my shoulders, her face looming over mine, her brown loose curls brushing against my cheek. Her green eyes (had I ever noticed them before?) looked at mine. Another shudder, and then, "God," (a whisper) "I've never felt so, so... like this before. I could do this all night," and her hips rose and fell like the chiming of a bell, her juices rolling down my cock cooling in the air, then warming as she slid back down my pole.

"Go ahead," I said, slowly aware of my orgasm as a vague sensation in the background, and I could see it would be a long time coming.

I brought my hands back up from her hips, and softly I caressed her where I could reach, the backs of my fingers against her cheek, down her throat, as she slowly fucked herself with my cock. Down to her breasts, gently stroking her nipples, not pinching, just brushing against them. One hand slowly slid down the flat of her belly, index finger tracing the round of her navel. Slowly my hand caressed the skin, grazing over her pubic hairs, and then down, to where cock met cunt, I felt her full, wet lips, her clit full between them, and then just under that, my cock, slowly sliding in and out of her as she slid up and down on me. My fingers gently fondled her clit.

A hard shock traveled through her, a spasm of pleasure, and her eyes closed again. She didn't cease her motion, but didn't come down so far, leaving enough room for my fingers as they stroked and cajoled her further along toward orgasm. I began to respond now, uncontrollably, raising my hips to meet hers, wanting more speed and force to push my orgasm as I did hers. It was so hard to concentrate. We began to speed up, our breath coming in soft, panting susurrus. The sounds of the ocean faded as our sex became more and more zealous, more and more violent. She began to moan, whimper, and then, in one spasm that contracted her sex around my cock, she let out a peal of ecstasy, and her orgasm shuddered through her body. Her hands slipped off my shoulders, and she supported herself against the sand. But she did not stop. She kept on stroking herself against me, her eyes now staring at me, daring me to join her in orgasm, a wild, frenzied glare in them. Her strokes became hard, powerful jolts, her hips against mine, and my climax was coming upon us fast. My heart beat in perception, and I felt that familiar tightness, an my breath slowed. I put my hands under her thighs, stopping her on a downstroke, holding her there. The point of no return, I knew, but I could make this point last, slowly as I slid my pole into her, inch by spare inch, my muscles quivering uncontrollably, and, and...

I screamed through clenched teeth, my breath gasping, shooting into her, forever!

And then I settled back down onto the blanket, breathing hard, the sweat of our bodies joining as she lay atop me. My world spun around as I tried to return control. It slowed down and came back into one image, of the ring arcing up along, the ocean following. Her head rested against my chest, her hair trailed against my shoulder, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and calm, and all was right, at least for now, in my world.