The Journal Entries

I was whistling tunelessly, smiling; It had been a hard day at the beach, composing hormonal annotes for the latest species I intended to introduce to the universe.

I grinned to myself, too amused at my own sense of superiority. Gods! Sometimes I am so cocky! But how else should a deity feel?

I scowled, again to myself as I had no witnesses. I floated down the g-tube towards my room, worried that I might someday believe my godhead. A frightening thought. I am easier to kill, they are superior models; I am just a refit of Ma Nature. Even if my kids do look upon me as some sort of father figure.

I pondered the question of what makes a god when a single scent brought a smile to my face and wiped away philosophy.

Ember! Bawr Mahn, M'Bawr, was turning 16 tomorrow, the age when Felinzi observe silly ceremonies celebrating a 'coming of age.' Silly because most kids were competent by the age of nine (and judging by the people who live in my castle, they stay childish for 60 years). But then we are a world of instant tradition, being such a young society. Basically, it amounts to a sweet-sixteen party.

Ember's scent grew stronger as I headed down the corridor, even though her rooms were down towards the other end of the castle. She might be visiting her mother, or somebody else.

It continued as I passed Ress' room, which meant... There's only one door left down this hallway, and it's mine.

The door opened and it was dark inside. I fought down an urge to assume a combative posture. She was functionally my own grandchild, for the Gods' sake! Even if her mother was genetically incompatible with me and had been born from a tank.

"Ember?" Her scent was strong. She'd been waiting a while. I was tempted to ask Dave how long she'd been here, and to ask him why he hadn't called me the moment I'd returned. But the answer to that was kind of obvious. Ember had been Dave's favorite almost from the day she had been born.

"Father?" She rose from the couch, the term of endearment irking me a little as she walked over. Her scent wafted over me. She was... frightened? Apprehensive? Something. She held out her hands, in a come-hither gesture that did not go with her present behavior. I walked forward and took her hands.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" I asked. She knows she can't hide anything from me, anymore than I could from her. She looked up at me, her tongue flicking out over her nose, a nervous gesture she'd picked up from her mother.

I raised my eyebrow. "Hmmm?"

She looked away, shy, then turned back. "Ken..." Now I was REALLY confused. She NEVER called me that.

"Ember, what's bothering you?"

"Tomorrow's my birthday. Tomorrow I won't be a kitten, anymore."

"And you're afraid I'd stop loving you, or change in some way? That's silly."

She shook her head, a firm NO. "I need to ask you for a special favor."

"I'd do anything I could for you, you know that."

She paused, then, "Tomorrow, I'll be caiss according to everybody except... in the most important way. I'll still be a kitten. You told me a long time ago that the one I gave my kittenin' to should be able to appreciate it for the gift that it is. That's how you said it, and I think... you... could appreciate it most."

I looked down at what was to me a very young, very vulnerable girl. "You mean?"

She nodded. I was momentarily stunned. I looked down at her, and then I picked her up, gently, one hand under her shoulders, one under her knees, and walked slowly over to the hole in the floor that leads to my bedroom. We fell down it, the v-grav systems dropping us gently onto the bed, and as we landed I positioned myself against her, holding her to me.

"Ember, are you sure you want to do this?" Her eyes held me clearly, and she nodded, gently, surely. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I kissed her, her cute pink muzzle, and then I moved down, and felt her tongue against mine. I traveled on, nibbling her chin and feeling her fur against my lips and tongue. I've always liked Felinzi, one of my favorite species, the humanoid Felis Domesticus, all fur and playfulness, but this was something else. "Ember?"

"Mrrrr?" She said, a little dreamily, but with a curious tone.

"What do you really want?"

"I want you to love me. I want everything." She leaned into me and kissed me hard, her rough/soft tongue entering my mouth. She pulled down, nuzzling my neck, licking and kissing and sometimes threatening with her sharp teeth. Her paw found my breeches, and undid the clasp.

A small laugh escaped me. "You've learned how to make a man happy."

She looked at me quizzically. "I'm not inexperrienced, Fatherrr. I just saved myselff forr today."

That made me sit up and take pause. "Ember... did you just tell me that you've been waiting for me for all your years?"

"Uhrrrr... Yeah. I've always wanted you to be my firrst loverr. Everr since I was... twelve, I guess, is when I firrst thought about it."

"Ember... I'm touched." Touched? I was fucking stunned! "But... why?"

"Why?" she repeated, her fingers still stroking my chest, her claws out just enough to scratch and tickle. "That's kind of a silly question. You're my vaterr, and not just in the usual sense. You werre my motherr's companion..." (more like she was mine) " ...for so long... forty yearrs orr so, and you babysat me so many times when I was young. I grew up arround you, you mean so much to me. You taught me how to tie a knot, how to read, how to fly a 'cycle! Frrom you I even learrned how to deal with boys!" Her slitted eyes gleamed beautifully, the light reflecting off the back of them. "You'rrre the closest thing I have to a best frrriend, and on my birthday I want you to have my best present." And she grinned a little wildly to herself at her little joke, her ears flickering back and forth like radar.

I looked up at her, not quite sure what to say. Somewhere, I heard my rare mechanical clock ticking, and I thought to myself '15 years, 291 days, and how many hours?' But looking at her, her unbearable beauty in her asymmetrical black and white fur, so unlike either of her parents, the black trailing down the white between her ears. Whatever Gods there truly are had had a hand in her making, she is so adorably beautiful. I wanted her.

I reached up, my hands finding her cloak-pin, and I undid it. Wherever she'd been earlier today, it had been raining, the cloak was still damp. But, like most Felinzi, underneath it she was naked, and the pattern of her fur continued in a mottling that was almost a parody of tiger stripes, but wasn't, not really. Her tail occasionally flicked over my legs, then back, more nervousness.

Her hands undid my shirt, pushing it back over my shoulders, and then I moved to help her take it off. She started to pull on my breeches, and I let her remove them, and we cast aside our clothes and stopped in the dim light and we looked at each other.

I smiled a little, at the absurdity of myself, my gawky human frame, even though in the best of human condition, as I compared myself to the lithe, sleek power contained in her furry little body. She smiled and then she pushed me back, kissing me furiously, her mouth moving, exploring my throat once more, and I was sure that this was what we both wanted. Her tongue raked across my nipples, and her sharp catteeth heightened my sensitivity with their threats. I growled, and she purred back, all the while her tail, probably through no thought of her own, tickling my balls.

Her cool nose found my balls first, her tongue still flicking over them, almost painful in the tickling they did, and she slid up my erection, and then, giving my cock an almost curious look, she plunged downward, taking all of it in one slide into her muzzle, closing down and holding it, her tongue bathing it, loving it. I was in heaven, her rough tongue was so good. Somewhere, something told me she'd done this before. She was slow, taking care as she slid up and down it to feel it, to make me feel her, and gods! was she good! And this was once the little kitten I'd raised?

I touched her shoulder, and her slitted eyes glanced towards me, and I slowly pushed her away. I wanted to wait. She looked at me, afraid that she'd done something wrong, but I just smiled. I slowly turned her over in the lowered gravity of my bed, and I began my trek down from her mouth to her cunt, nibbling at the little tufts of fur at her shoulders and her small, firm breasts. I paused as I flicked over her nipples to listen, just to listen, to her heartbeat and her breathing, finding such power and love in such simple, living things as her heart and her breath.

I moved down between her parted legs, where her pink jewel lay, moist and waiting, where the fur became thin and fine and soft, and I kissed her right above her cunt, slowly, worshipping her.

My tongue came alive there, between her legs where her scent was heady sweet. I licked along her outer lips, parting them from the inner, slowly wetting the whole of her cunt with my tongue, slowly slipping apart her inner lips, so that I could see her clit, open, exposed, and her core, where eventually, I would be the first to go. I licked around her clit, mindful of her sensitivity, sometimes dipping down into her cunt to taste the fullness of her juices, and then returning to her lips, and the hood. The flesh there was smooth and soft as silk, and I wanted to stay forever. I licked her clit, and her legs pulled up a little more and her paws found my hair, and I could feel her orgasm approaching, her claws extending just a little against my scalp. Slowly her orgasm built, and I teased her, sometimes pausing for whole seconds to let her die down a bit, just to tease her some more. "Pleaserrrrrrr...." her moan died down into a purr that was more needful than anything, and I gave, now caressing her clit with my tongue directly, fully, giving her the needed pressure, the speed, and then her whole body shuddered, silently, the muscles in her body contracting in approach, and then, quietly and violently, she came, releasing her tension and shaking with pleasure as her orgasm crested and dropped, and slowly soothed away.

She lay there, eyes closed and breathing hard. I slowly moved up along her body and slid down next to her, cuddling next to her, and waited. She turned to look at me, and then she smiled, showing teeth. "That was wonderrrfulll. Mom was rright, you arre good." I grinned back.

Then I lost that grin. "Ember, are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, still not sure of my answer. I looked at the clock. She was still fifteen, and would be for at least another thirty minutes.

"Yes." was all she said.

"Then...do you want to be on top? Let you control what happens, how fast, and all?" Truth to tell, I'd've preferred that. Less guilt if it turned out to hurt a lot.

But she shook her head. "No, please. I want to lie herre, I want to feel you on top of me, taking me. Please, I need it to be that way." Her eyes were almost in tears. "I want it to be like... I... surrrenderr myself to you..." and she whispered the last word "...Father."

I looked at her, and whether she meant that word in the sense that people sometimes call me "Na'Shardik" or whether she meant it as "the guy whose always been there for me since I was born," it didn't bother me so much. I think I understood her, and I loved her more than ever before. I moved over her and knelt between her legs, parting them. Slowly, I looked down at my cock, which in all my thought had lost a little stiffness, and she smiled, and slowly stroked it to life with her soft paws, and it grew back to its hardness, and I pushed back and the head of my cock held still at her cunt. I looked into her eyes, and she stared back into mine, and then, very slowly, just once, she nodded.

I pushed forward, our breath sounding loud in my ears, her eyes becoming all that I saw as I felt my cock enter her, pushing past that first, virgin ring of resistance and taking her. Her eyes shut, and a little mewl of pain escaped her as I slid into her fully, until my hips met hers, and I just held there until she opened her eyes. There were tears there, but she smiled, slowly, and in caiss she sniffed "hurts..."

"I know. Just take a few breaths, and wait."

She nodded again, gently. I waited myself, a little afraid that my erection would flag and disappoint her. But she looked up again, and whispered "Fuck me, Father, please. Let me feel it."

I looked at her face, then down between our bodies to where we were joined, and slowly I began to pull back, until I was almost out. Then slowly back in. "Faster," she mewled, and I wasn't sure whether I pleased her or hurt her, but I obliged, speeding up, my hips meeting hers on every stroke, my cock enveloped by her tight warm wet soft glove. Mine. Mine first. And I did fuck her, my cock going in and out, faster and harder and her arms were around me and her claws against my back as I pressed myself lightly against her, fucking her warm little body. My cock had a life of its own, and I could feel the tightness in my balls, and I whispered in my speed "Ember... I'm going..." and she replied "Go..." and with her permission I exploded into her, filling her for the first time and then feeling my orgasm wind down, and slowly my mind returned to me. I looked up at her, and her eyes danced again in the dim light, and she laughed.

I smiled back, tearfully happy, and we laughed together. "Oh, gods, Ember, thank you."

"Thank you, too, Father. That was the best birthday present I ever got." And her voice was happy and free from pain. And we laughed again as I rolled over and off of her. She gasped. "Oh, no..."

"What?" I asked, worried all of a sudden.

"You're bleeding. I think I clawed your back."

I put a hand there, and sure enough, it came back red. "'Sokay, I heal. Doesn't hurt. Just remember not to do it next time. Besides, you're bleeding, too, a little," I said, glancing down at my cock. But she just grinned at that, and then slowly what I'd said dawned on her.

"Next time? You mean, like, you, and me?"

"Yeah, like next time you and me and this room, or maybe out on Abornia plain, where your mother and I first, or who knows? But if you want, there will be next time."

"Yes! Yes, I want there to be a next time. I know I can't come between you and your work, but..."

"Ember, beloved grandchild of mine, you were born in my house, and you may stay here forever. I love you, now in... more and different ways than before, but love you I do. Stay around, and I guarantee there will be a next time. Now... let's get some sleep, together, here. Oh, and look, It's still Elenya. You won't be a kitten when you become a caiss."

"Will you still call me your kitten?"

"I don't think you could ever stop being my kitten."